an {un}official last post

this will be my last post… at least for a while.  i started this blog during a time when i needed it most.  i found hope, strength, and encouragement from so many of you.  it was fun to see many of us get pregnant and have babies within a few months of each other.  some of us have gone on to get pregnant again {whether planned or unplanned}, some have decided they are content with the baby or babies they gained from that long awaited successful cycle.  unfortunately for me, i’m sort of stuck where i was before.  even though i’m a mommy to brian, i have a longing to feel another baby stretching my belly, to hold another fresh little bundle, to smell that new baby smell.  and i want a sibling for brian {because life is easier when you have someone to discuss just how crazy your parents are with}.  but here i am, stuck being {in}fertile, only this time, our go-to treatment {FET} doesn’t seem to be working.  my womb is empty once again, and my heart has a hole that is longing to be filled.  i wanted to share one last update {or lack thereof} and provide some closing thoughts, mostly because i need closure.  stick with me if you can.

after brian, we had 7 frozen embryos left. i never really tracked my cycle, but imagined it would be much the same.  coupled with hubby’s awful sperm statistics, it just seemed easier to go back on birth control and try to get pregnant through a FET.  well, things are seldom what they seem.  our transfers post brian have been everything but successful and easy.  brian was our only AA embryo.  we had one AB, and 6 BBs.  when transferring our AA led to brian, i always imagined God set apart the AA and AB as our two children.  i imagined the AB would be successful, so naturally i was shocked and upset when the AB didn’t even survive the thaw.  we transferred a BB back in may, which led to a negative pregnancy test and an awful skin reaction called dermatographia for me.  after 2 weeks of pure hell crawling in my own skin, the dermatographia slowly improved over the next two months but never went away.  we waited the month of june out, but hubby and i agreed it was probably time to start the process up again in july.  of course my RE has never seen the skin reaction, the allergist told me it is what it is and the only treatment is an antihistamine which i already take daily, but my dermatologist offered a little more in at least trying to determine the cause.  he said the skin reaction is usually caused by a meciation, in my case he felt the antibiotic we used for the FET protocol, and that it usually takes a month to go away.  desperate for answers, i wasted a ton of money at my old acupuncturist who promised quick results with one or two treatments.  finally after 8, i accepted that his treatments were not making a difference for me.  i did seek the second opinion of another acupuncturist and traditional chinese medicine doctor.  her treatment plan seems more promising and easier on the budget, so i decided to stick with her.  she cleared us to try again and said we could fix the underlying cause of the dermatographia after another baby.  so, we were back at in july with another transfer scheduled for early august.  i wish this transfer had a happy ending, but it doesn’t.  we transferred one BB, which implanted, but is currently ending in a chemical pregnancy.  and, the dermatographia is worsening, despite changing the antibiotic in the protocol.  to say i’m frustrated would be an understatement.  i have so many emotions – resentment, anger, feelings of abandonment, sorrow, the list goes on.  while we still have 4 embryos left, i don’t feel that my body is in a state to accept them.  knowing nothing about the health of these embryos, it’s hard to keep putting them back in my uterus since we do know my body is upset, as evidenced by the dermatographia.  i’d like to say we will try again one day, but time will tell.

as for the emotional aspect – call it whatever you want, chemical pregnancy or not, there was a tiny baby in me, that i now choose to believe is in Heaven with the first baby we lost through ectopic pregnancy and miscarriage.  i really felt like God was opening doors this last cycle, so it is hard for me to see the door close and to lose another baby.  i desperately do not want this to be my last experience and memory with pregnancy.  it’s hard to end on such a sour note.  i’ve had a hard time managing my grief this go around too.  how do i let myself grieve while experiencing so much joy from brian?  the two are separate but intertwined.  i see my bouncing little boy, with his full head of blonde hair and big blue eyes, but have this extreme sense of loss and sorrow.  i know time will bring healing, it did the first time.  but brian also brought healing to my first loss, and i pray that there is another baby to bring healing to the second loss.  in the meantime, feeling the twinges of my body trying to accommodate this life, but knowing there really isn’t life is hard.  hubby and i have framed every picture we received of our embryos on transfer day.  it sits on our nightstand, but like the last, this one will also be taken down and filed in my huge medical organizer.  i’m sure one day i will have the strength to look at the two embryos that never came to be again.

another reason i started this blog was to share my faith through this journey.  i have friends who are Christian, who also experience trials, and who also keep the faith.  i also have friends that can’t accept God and Jesus because of the injustices they experience and witness in the world.  how do you explain loosing a baby?  or when a child is born with a debilitating disease?  or when anyone gets a cancer diagnosis?  or when a loved one’s life is cut short because there should always be more time?  or when entire cities of people are harmed by natural disaster?  i hate when people try to bring comfort by saying “everything happens for a reason.”  i don’t think this is always true.  i don’t think there is a reason innocent babies have to suffer.  i don’t think there is a reason i have had two miscarriages {or at least i don’t know the reason yet}.  often times, there is no explanation.  stuff happens.  life happens.  life is not perfect, for any of us.  but i choose to believe in our Creator.  i choose to have faith and hope.  i choose to believe that one day, my aches and pains will be made better, that one day i will meet the two babies i never got to hold on this earth.  i also believe that God works all things together for the good.  the Bible tells me this, and it’s easier on the heart than to think there is no God or a God that doesn’t care.  while i hope and pray for healing on this side of Heaven, i look forward to complete restoration and perfection on the other side.

to all those waiting on babies or something else in life, don’t give up hope.  don’t lose faith.  the journey is tough, but there will one day be healing.

“for I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” {Jeremiah 29:11}

those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. he who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him {Psalm 126:5-6}

and we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose {Romans 8:28}

bitty baby, the casper

i had my 4th ultrasound today.  after last week’s scare and ultrasound showing a lower heart rate, i had no idea what to expect. i had acupuncture last night, and my acupuncturist said the baby’s heart rate was good.  so i felt a little better going to today’s appointment.  i still didn’t sleep well last night {worry, i’m sure}, and i was extra armpit sweaty this morning {also worry}.

so getting to the juicy stuff, the ultrasound went well!  bitty baby measured 8 weeks, 1 day {dr. w said baby’s measurements can vary within a range of +/- 3 days}.  i could very clearly see bitty baby’s heart flickering away today.  dr. w zoomed in on the heart and turned on the audio, it was so loud today!  bitty baby’s heart rate was 174 beats per minute, which dr. w said was good!  perhaps bitty baby was taking a nap or just stressed out last week, causing the lower heart rate.  who knows.  dr. w spent quite a bit of time looking around, and at one point bitty baby moved one of its teeny arms.  it was absolutely the coolest thing i’ve ever seen.  dr. w also told me that he didn’t see any blood in my uterus like the doctor last week did {um, probably because it all came out}, which was good news!

early in the ultrasound, dr. w was pointing out the baby’s head, torso, limb buds.  i commented on how large the head was {apparently 1/2 of the baby is the head right now}.  then dr. w said that babies either look like casper {the friendly ghost} or tweety bird at this gestation.  dr. w said we have a casper.  ha!  i love it!

i have another appointment with my RE next week, and it could be the last {until baby #2 perhaps}.  if all goes well, dr. w will refer me to a maternal-fetal specialist {high risk doctor since this journey began with a septate uterus}, and he will send me back to my regular OB.  after a year and 9 months with dr. w, it will surely be bittersweet to say goodbye.  but i’m looking forward to no longer being an {in}fertility patient.  it’s also time to start weaning me off all the extra drugs {hormones}.  unknowingly, last night’s progesterone shot was the last for now.  thank goodness, because we had another oozing incident.  i had some choice words and not lady-like things to say about that last night.  ultimately, hubby and i made the decision to administer another 1/4 of a dose.  i will continue estrogen patches and crinone for now.  as much as i hate crinone, i’m thankful it’s sticking around for now so all progesterone support doesn’t stop cold turkey.

returning to the topic of acupuncture, my acupuncturist apparently has a 98% success rate of determining the gender of the baby around 10 weeks based on the “pulses” he feels.  last night, his initial assessment was… drumroll please… a girl!  say what?  hubby and i still think it’s a boy {although after today’s ultrasound showing a high heart rate, i could buy into the girl forecast}.  it’s fun to have guesses on both sides, i think it will make the gender reveal that much more exciting!  3 girlfriends have all told me their guess is girl.  one even told me about a dream she had {before we even had the transfer} where she and her husband were babysitting our daughter!  maybe bitty baby is a little lady.  who knows!!

finally, i’m either growing a baby bump.  or i’m super bloated from constipation.  or both.  my pre-IVF size was a zero, so not really conducive to concealing bumps for that long.  i may find myself investing in maternity pants soon.  i only own so many dresses, and i can’t really wear running shorts to work.  otherwise, my symptoms mostly consist of being tired, still disliking sweets {other than homemade chocolate milkshakes apparently}, mood swings, extreme thirst, and the occasional headache.

well, that’s all for now.  as always, thanks for your prayers and support.  a lot of people were praying for bitty baby over the past week, and i know it made a difference.  God hears our prayers, people!

my friend sent me this verse last week.  i like it, so i’m going to share it:

and the Lord, He is the One who goes before you.  He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed. {Deuteronomy 31:8}

IVF recap – FET attempt #1

like the post on my first retrieval, i’m writing most of this in present tense and will publish later.  the prep for the frozen embryo transfer is just as time consuming and more lengthy than the prep for retrieval.  maybe it just feels that way because i’m waiting on a baby g.  we’ve been packing and preparing to move into our new house and to become landlords for our condo, so that has been a wonderful distraction.  i’m thankful our transfer will take place after we are settled into our new house so i don’t have to worry about house stress interfering.  anyway, here goes the recap.

 

hormone evening out: 18 days

you guessed it, birth control pills.  and after 14 days of the pill, daily tummy shots of lupron were added to the mix.  i currently have three more days of the pill left and then i should experience withdrawal bleeding, signifying cycle day 1.  my guess is that it is not a real cycle day 1 as i’ll still be shooting up lupron, which is supposed to suppress me.  during this time, i also filled most of the other prescriptions i will need – estrogen patches, antibiotics, an oral steroid, valium for transfer day, progesterone gel, and a smaller version of the intramuscular needle for the progesterone in oil shot.  i have to wait on ordering progesterone in oil since it only has a shelf life of 30 days.  when giving hubby and i a demo of how he will administer the progesterone shot to my rear end during our FET consult, nurse mary pitied me and gave me an extra prescription for 1″ 25 gauge needles instead of the standard 1 1/2″ 25 gauge.  thank goodness.  i look forward to that daily delight coming my way soon.

regarding symptoms, i’m still dealing with constipation.  if i don’t eat salads twice a day and several servings of fruit, i’m uncomfortable.  although i haven’t weighed myself, i’d venture to guess i’m about 4-5 pounds heavier than when the retrieval process began {edit – this has been confirmed since my original drafting of this section. dang}.  i still don’t fit in my pants.  i’m sure birthdayversary week didn’t help my cause.  but i’m trying not to stress about it too much as hopefully i will have a baby g growing in me soon, which leads to more weight gain, and welcome weight gain at that.

 

more hormone evening out: 3 days of lupron only

this phase was relatively uneventful.  i simply took daily injections of lupron and waited for my menses.

on the constipation front, i’m slowly becoming more regular.  maybe my pants fit a bit better now too.  i’ll be able to tell when i get dressed for work next week – so far this week i’ve been living in workout clothes {stretchy running shorts} since i’ve been off work and we’ve been moving.

 

cycle day 1

it only took 2 days of no birth control pills for a flow requiring protection to appear.  i’m not surprised as i spotted almost the entire time i took the bcps.  cycle day 1 is a friday {4th of july to be exact}, which i’m really thankful for.  this means my cycle day 2 or 3 screening can either be saturday or sunday and i don’t have to worry about going to my RE’s office on a weekday before work.  now that we live in the burbs {vs. our city’s uptown where home, work, and my RE’s office were all centrally located}, i have to factor in a lovely 20-45 minute commute, depending on traffic, to get to work.

 

cycle day 2 screening

you guessed it, internal ultrasound and blood work.  during the ultrasound the RE on duty asked me if i’d been taking birth control pills.  queue mini panic attack.

here were my thoughts: why would you ask me that?  did they not work?  are my ovaries full of cysts leftover from the 25 follicles i had?  did acupuncture not help?  ahh!!!

but instead i said: “yes, i took birth control.  hopefully it did what it was supposed to.”  then his nonchalant response was “yes, it did.”  um, ok, please do not scare me like that again!  you’d think he’d check the notes in my chart for some background info about the current protocol i’m following so he doesn’t have to look at my insides and guess what’s going on.  whatever.

a different nurse mary called later in the day to say that everything looked good to proceed with the next phase of the protocol which consists of a lower dose of lupron and estrogen patches.

switching to a slightly different subject, i’ve had cramps the past few cycles.  this worries me, but i shouldn’t let it.  after my septum was corrected, the ridiculous cramps i experienced every menstrual cycle prior to that point magically disappeared.  i read on the world wide web once {i know, fantastic source} that a septate uterus can cause cramping.  my septum was fixed, so made sense to me that the cramps were gone.  recently, my cramps have started to come back, so naturally my brain wonders if my septum came back.  many months ago, i asked my RE if septums can return.  he said no.  so why do i fret?  i personally think the evil one knows that worry is my weakness, and he wants me to worry.  i’ve seen the results of surgery via a HSG, my RE says i’m good to go, now i just need to relax and trust and pray for worry to go away.

 

estrogen patch build up (& lupron shots still)

on cycle day 2, i applied one patch to my lower abdomen.  it stays there until cycle day 4 when i will change it out for a new patch.  i will keep changing the patch(es) every other day but will add another until i get up to four patches every other day.  i don’t love the spot i picked for the first patch, but i’m committed for another day.  the patch is in the perfect spot for the top of my underwear to get caught on it.  i think i will try placing it an inch or so higher on my body next time.

i’m up to two patches now.  no real side effects, except maybe i’m more emotional.  i cry a lot anyway, so hard to tell.  today i had an acupuncture appointment.  when the receptionist took me back to the treatment room and offered to schedule another appointment, i asked for an appointment on my transfer day, 7/24.  then she informed me my acupuncturist will be out of office that day, and the whole week of my transfer really, but his partner could see me.  super.  queue mini breakdown {again}.  there were tears.  i have no idea how much skill is involved, but i figured it takes some time for an acupuncturist to get to know my body.  i’ve been seeing chuck for over 3 months now.  he helped me through my first egg retrieval, and all i need him to do is see me through to transfer day.  a new acupuncturist on what i argue will be one of the most important days yet is unsettling.  i’m seriously considering calling nurse mary tomorrow to see how much flexibility there is in the timing of the transfer to see if i can reschedule when my acupuncturist will be in town.  guess i will pray about it first.

well, i’m up to 3 patches now.  tonight i will be swapping them out for 4.  thank goodness because there were almost some patch casualties yesterday and this morning.  turns out sweat and patches don’t mix {learned this on my walk/run in 1,000% humidity yesterday}, but showering is ok.  then this morning, i woke up to one of my patches half sticking to my pj pants, half sticking to me.  i just pressed it back on my belly and carried on since they will be changed tonight anyway.

the only noteworthy symptom from estrogen patches is cervical mucus, and lots of it.  kind of gross, but at least i know my body is doing it’s job.

 

checkup 1

i had a mid cycle checkup {ultrasound and blood work} this week.  it was relatively uneventful.  the good news is that the results were great so we are carrying on.

 

last lupron shot

i took my last lupron shot last night.  trading it for a scarier, more painful, but absolutely necessary shot tonight… progesterone in ethyl oleate.  i’m also adding crinone {progesterone gel, not my favorite, but again necessary}, antibiotics, and an oral steroid to my medication routine.  i’m still on estrogen patches – 4 a day now.  hubby’s mom is a nurse, so she’s coming over tonight to teach hubby how to correctly administer the intramuscular progesterone shot to my booty.  woooo!

 

day minus 4 {4 days until FET}

today is day 2 of all my new meds, and they aren’t treating me so nicely {well two of them at least}.  here’s the scoop:

  • doxycycline: antibiotic.  twice a day.  uneventful.
  • crinone: vaginal progesterone gel.  twice a day.  ick!  this stuff gives me funky discharge and makes me itch.  it did this when i used it for both of my IUIs, but i was hopeful this time would be different.  wrong.  upon administering this morning, there was a tiny bit of blood on the applicator afterwards.  um, earth to body, it’s not time to bleed yet!  hopefully my uterus gets the memo.  i tried google researching the different types of progesterone and which ones induce menstruation and which ones don’t.  no real luck there.  all i can do is pray right now.  God knows what i want, and i’m trusting that everything will work out according to His plan.
  • progesterone in ethyl oleate: intramuscular progesterone shot {aka a butt shot}. once a day.  surprisingly uneventful.  mama g {the mother-in-law} is a nurse; she came over and showed hubby how to give the shot last night.  he actually did a good job, but we’ll see how tonight goes.
  • medrol: oral steroid.  once daily at bedtime.  evil.  i took the thing at 9:45 last night, hopped in bed by 10:15, watched maybe 20 minutes of tv, begged hubby to turn the tv off because i was half asleep and drooling on myself, he reluctantly complied, and 15 minutes later i’m wide awake.  and i stayed wide awake until 2:30 am.  what a jerk {the medicine that is}.  i researched this drug a bit since i had some free time in the wee hours of the morning.  turns out a side effect is trouble sleeping.  this should be interesting with the work week coming up.  guess i literally need to take the thing 5 minutes before i intend to fall asleep.  oh, and it starts disintegrating in my mouth before i can get the sucker down.  it leaves a horrible aftertaste that lingers for a while.

it’s just a few hours later, and i take back all of the kind words i said about progesterone in ethyl oleate earlier.  the injection site from last night {right butt muscle} hurts.  then, when hubby tried to administer tonight’s shot in the left butt, things didn’t go so smoothly.  for one, it hurt like heck {didn’t help that he was wiggling the needle around in my skin.  ouch!}.  then, after he removed the needle, a significant amount of the oily medication oozed out.  he wiped it several times and finally put a band-aid on.  then when i got to the bathroom to examine the site, i was greeted with a fully saturated band-aid of oil, an oil spot on my underwear, and an oil spot on my pj pants.  queue mini meltdown number 3.  i ended up speaking with the RE on call, who assured me i got enough progesterone {this was after i cried about it for 20 minutes}.  seriously, no one should have to go through this to have a baby.

 

day minus 3

talked to nurse mary about last night’s shot incident this morning.  she gave me several tips to try to prevent leakage going forward – roll the oil in a heating pad on low for 10 minutes before giving shot, leave needle in skin for 10 seconds, massage skin gently afterwards.  most importantly, mama g came back tonight and the process went off without a hitch.  too bad she’s skipping town in a few days!

i also had acupuncture today.  my acupuncturist thinks i’m in the best shape possible, from his perspective, so that’s good news.

one thing that surprises me is that my boobs aren’t really sore yet.  usually progesterone does that to me.  hope that’s not a bad sign, i’ll find out after blood work tomorrow.

 

day minus 2 & checkup 2

good news!  my hormone levels looked good, so my transfer is still scheduled to take place in two days.

while at my RE’s office, i visited nurse mary.  she examined my shot sites {cleverly marked in black sharpie} and suggested slightly different areas {now marked in orange sharpie}.

mama g came over again tonight.  she supervised hubby giving the shot, and all went well.  let’s hope day minus 4’s shot was a fluke.

 

the big day!

we had a scare the morning of.  upon waking up to urinate, i discovered blood.  fresh blood that was still nice and bright.  eek!  there wasn’t much, but more than day minus 4’s apperance.  i promptly called my RE’s office.  nurse mary called back and asked me to come in right away.  my RE needed to see whether the bleeding was coming from my uterus or cervix before my embryo could be thawed.  so to the office we went, and i had probably the fastest appointment on record with my RE.  he inspected my cervix and then performed an ultrasound for a lining check.  his assessment was that my cervix was oozing from all of the hormones {the crinone}.

so after our morning detour, hubby and i returned home to get a quick workout in and shower before returning to my RE’s office for the transfer.  i popped a valium at 11:30 am, and then we loaded ourselves in the car.  i arrived at my scheduled time of 12 pm for a 12:30 transfer.  i signed some papers and then got to go back to the same pre/post-op area i’d been just 1.5 months earlier for my egg retrieval.  i also got to wear a super fashionable gown again, and hubby got suited up since he could be present for the transfer.  while we waited to be taken back, we prayed together.  here we are, all ready for the big moment:

image

the transfer itself went smoothly.  when we got back to the procedure room, the embryologist came in and told us that our chosen embryo survived freezing and the thaw.  she also gave us two pictures of our embryo {definitely a perk of IVF}.  then, i, again, had to lose all modesty as my legs got strapped in stirrups.  the nurse helping with the procedure ultrasounded my belly from the outside {for once, an external ultrasound} to make sure my bladder was full enough, but not too full.  i tried not to overdo it like i did for the trial transfer.  thankfully, it was just right.  my doctor came in, inserted a speculum, and got everything setup for the transfer.  we got to see our little embryo in its petri dish on a big monitor before the procedure began. the embryologist sucked it into something, brought it to my doctor, then they funneled it to my uterus.  the medical team waited exactly one minute, then removed the catheter.  the embryologist brought it back to her lab to make sure the embryo was no longer in her device and shouted “all clear.”  then my doctor relieved my bladder by draining it with a catheter.  that was an experience, but totally worth it so i didn’t have to think about how bad i had to pee as i rested in recovery for 30 minutes.  after my rest period was up, i went straight to acupuncture, then home to bed rest after that.

i sure hope this time will be a success.  but i know that no matter the outcome, God is in control and He is fulfilling His plan.  a friend sent me this verse the morning of our transfer.  God actually showed me this verse when i was first diagnosed with the septate uterus.  coincidence?  … i think not :)

there are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel – that will stand. {Proverbs 19:21}

 

11 day wait

i’m currently waiting for my beta.  i was on the fence about posting this because i didn’t want to jinx myself.  but i realized that was silly.  i will either be pregnant or i won’t.  and if i am pregnant, there is no guarantee i won’t miscarry or that our baby will be alive on this side of Heaven.  only God knows His plan for me, hubby, and baby g.  thank you to my support system for your prayers during this process.  i believe in the power of prayer, and i believe in a sovereign God, through Whom all things are possible.

“it says M-D at the end of my name, not G-O-D”

lately, something cool has been happening at my {in}fertility appointments.  the people i have trusted my care to have been recognizing God.  based on previous experience, this is not typical.  usually doctors give me the stats and move on.  and when something bizarre happens, whether good or bad, they chalk it up to a mystery or luck.

well, at my last cycle day 2 screening {which i have yet to blog about, but it’s coming soon}, the RE on duty asked me if i was going to get pregnant this cycle.  i replied with something like “i hope so, but it’s not up to me.”  to which he replied, “i tell my patients it says M-D at the end of my name, not G-O-D.”  wow!  this was huge!

then at an acupuncture appointment, i shared my anxiety about our future transfer with my acupuncturist.  he started rattling off his 79-80% success rate with transfers, but then looked at me and said “we know Who has the final say though” as he pointed to the sky.

i love that i’m in the care of fellow believers who get it.  no matter what we do for my treatment, at the end of the day, God can allow it to work this time or say ‘not yet’ as he continues to mold and shape me as i wait for Him to reveal His plan.  something about this just gives me peace.

last week i opened the biblegateway app to check the verse of the day.  this is a rare occurrence for me, but every time i open it, i feel like the verse was chosen for me at that point in time.  to meet me where i’m weak and when i need an extra dose of encouragement.  i’ve read this verse everyday since… happy sunday!

ah, Lord God!  behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and outstretched arm.  there is nothing too hard for You.  {Jeremiah 32:17}

i’m ready.

i’m ready, ready to start my period so we can get this show on the road.  but my body hasn’t gotten the memo just yet.  it’s day 25 of my cycle and there’s been no sign of ovulation.  i’ve been charting during this break month so i could try to keep tabs on things.  day 25 and the only thing my chart has to show is an ugly, choppy, roller coaster-like pattern.  no smooth temperature rise here.  {i wish i could say this is} shocking.

what’s funny is that my new acupuncturist was determined to “get me pregnant” on my own this cycle before we moved to IVF.  i loved his enthusiasm, but with no results i’m questioning his credibility.  i wasn’t expecting it to happen, but i thought i would at least ovulate in my usual fashionably late fashion.  is acupuncture really worth $75 a visit?  there are two ladies in my support system who are both infertility “survivors.”  they’ve made it to the other side and now have beautiful babies {multiple children each}.  one is adamantly against it, and the other is all for it.  so far my sample is evenly split.  does anyone have experience with acupuncture and {in}fertility?  is it worth pursuing still?

i have another 1.5 weeks of waiting.  if there’s still no period, my RE is going to prescribe provera to induce my period.  bring it on!  i’m ready for the next part of this journey to begin.

i usually read my bible every morning before work.  i didn’t have as much time as i usually do this morning, so i pulled up the bible gateway app on my phone to check out the daily verse.  it was a good one, a gentle reminder to pray and keep the faith.  nothing is too hard for my Lord.

now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  and if we know that He hears us, whatever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we have asked of Him. {1 John 5:14-15}