here’s my disclaimer, this post is going to be a therapy session for me {if you’ve been reading for any length of time, you know that i can’t find a decent counselor to counsel}. i almost decided not to post this, but recently got a little stirred up again {about another family thing – a different post for a different day}, so decided to. feel free to skip or provide advice.
thought 1: my family is insane, part 1 – communication
sister-in-law had been pending delivery for about a month. after 3 prior admittances, the 4th time was finally a charm, and my first nephew was born weighing in at 9 lbs, 1 oz a couple of weeks ago. so happy for them, but watching my parents and extended family behave throughout this process has kind of upset me and the hubs. each time labor began, my dad would start a group text to send updates {or lack thereof}. one time my mom started emailing me too {parents are divorced so i hear everything twice}. once it was the real deal, i received very graphic updates like “sister-in-law is 8 cm dilated and the doctor can feel the head with his finger.” even after the baby arrived, i was informed of his circumcision. oh, and did i mention the picture i received of my sister-in-law looking a sweaty mess during {what i presume to be} her first skin to skin time with the baby? while my bro and his wife didn’t seem to mind this behavior, it has me a bit frustrated. how much of my labor progress is going to be spammed out for all to hear? and what kind of photos does my family plan on snapping to share?
continuing on the communication front, news travels fast. after our ultrasound with the high risk doctor where we learned that little boy is head down, i exchanged a few text messages with my paternal grandmother. she inquired about the baby’s position, so i gave her an update. that night while sister-in-law is in labor, i get a text from my mom that says “i know you are sleeping but your dad just told me that brian turned head down!! that’s awesome!!” so looks like grandma told dad and dad told mom. news certainly travels fast. i don’t care that my parents know this information, it’s just frustrating that it doesn’t come from me and that it spreads in about 12 hours.
thought 2: my family is insane, part 2 – the hospital
so, turns out that at least my parents camped out in the waiting room over night as they waited for their first grandchild. my dad lives 1.5 hours away, so maybe i can see his thought process. but my mom lives 20 minutes from the hospital. i guess she didn’t think she’d make it in time? when i face timed with my brother that evening {14 hours after the baby’s birth and 24 hours from my sister-in-law’s admittance}, my mom was still at the hospital trying to look busy shuffling stuff around. apparently she never left.
thought 3: my brother is not smart
when telling about your wife’s labor and delivery experience, these are things you do not say to your sister, who will deliver in less than a month:
- “she is doing good, hurting a little because EVERYTHING TORE APART. i didn’t even know what was what. but she’s ok now. sore.” {i kid you not, a direct quote from a text he sent me, capitalization and all}
- she pushed for 4 hours
- “oh yeah and the epidural only numbed her belly and leg! talk soon.” {also a direct quote, and why did he use an exclamation point? that’s not at all exciting.}
thought 4: expectations
so, i didn’t run down to the hospital to meet my nephew on his birthday. not that i’m not excited, but i had several things going on that day. i had to leave work {for the second time that week} for a long doctor appointment. after that, i had to log on from home to finish up my workday only to find that everything was a hot mess and i needed to put in several more hours of work that evening. after that, i wanted to do something for me, so i decided to exercise. by that time, hubby came home and it was time for dinner. then, was i really going to get myself ready and go back uptown to visit the baby at 8 pm {remember, i’m a tired pregnant person}? i figured no, because they’ll be there tomorrow. and they were likely more tired. and, i texted my brother earlier that day and got no response, so i figured they were overwhelmed. and {here’s the selfish thought}, do i really want to be in a place full of germs during cold and flu season if i don’t have to be?
well, apparently my family had different expectations of me on my nephew’s birthday. i started receiving text messages asking if i was busy and why i hadn’t gone to the hospital yet from my father. he told me “you need to call tonight, your brother wants to share this with you.” i’m sorry, but i’m an adult with a life to manage. i do not need to justify myself to my father or anyone for that matter {other than God}.
clearly my family is “all in” on these type of events. which is all good if that’s what the couple desires. again, don’t think the brother and sister-in-law minded, but i worry that my family won’t understand that all of the attention isn’t necessarily what hubby and i desire.
thought 5: if you’re sick, stay home
so after my nephew arrived, we had a little get together at my grandmother’s house to celebrate my sister-in-law and the baby because her baby shower prior to the baby’s birth was cancelled after her first pre-term labor episode and because she got sick. i guess not wanting to miss the fun, several family members showed up to the get together sick or with illness in their immediate family members at home {one of my aunts was late because one of her daughters got sick in the car on the way down and she had to take her back home}. then these people proceeded to hold and snuggle the 10 day old infant {without washing hands}. i pray my nephew is healthy. all i can say is that this event didn’t fare well for me because i came down with a nasty cold 2 days later {part of the reason i’m behind on blogging}. guess hubby and i will have to be selective on who comes around and holds bitty after he arrives.
thought 6: how will our labor and delivery experience shake out?
if you haven’t gathered from what i’ve shared above, hubby and i are not fans of extra attention. while we appreciate the prayers and support from our family, we are also a bit private {i guess that’s the right word}. we definitely can’t wait to introduce our son to our family, but we feel this doesn’t need to take place within an hour or two of giving birth. we want skin to skin, bitty’s first meal, stitches and getting cleaned up for me to be just for our family of 3. we don’t think my extended family needs group texts with my cervical progression, and i certainly don’t want any pictures of me remotely uncovered with the baby being taken by my parents and sent to others.
again, we don’t know how our actual labor and delivery experience will unfold, but the current plan is to be induced in about a week at 39 weeks. i feel we should share my expectations with my parents, hubby’s parents, and my local grandma prior to the onset of labor. if bitty is still head down and things seem system go for induction after my OB appointment this week, i plan to send a group email {so it doesn’t look like i’m calling out any one individual} with the date of our induction and our expectation for visits. hubby’s parents have already told us just to tell them when we’re ready and that they don’t feel the need to be present at every moment if that’s not our desire {why can’t my parents be this awesome?}.
one thing i struggle with is the thought of something going wrong… what if that happens and i’ve just pushed my family away? hubby and i have fought so hard for this baby, i definitely don’t want my wish for privacy to be a reason something goes wrong. but i don’t think things work this way. at least i pray they don’t.