one thousand gifts: 83 through 89

i’m already behind.  honestly not surprised though.  being a working wife and mom is no joke.

• 83. brian can crawl! another milestone that helps us worry less about the sacral dimple!
• 84. a friday snow day with my little love!
• 85. several joint pain free days recently, praying the trend continues
• 86. celebrating the first birthday of our friends’ little girl
• 87. warm weather on the last day in january 
• 88. answered prayers for a dear friend
• 89. a successful meeting with a new endocrinologist {for the thyroid}

one thousand gifts: 74 through 82

instead of blowing up the blog daily, i’m going to collect a few and then post.  just continuing on:

• 74. lunch with a sweet friend to brighten my tuesday 
• 75. extra time with my little man on wednesday morning, even if it was rushed 
• 77. a good 9 month check up on friday
• 78. warm, sunny weather in january on saturday
• 79. catching up with good friends on saturday 
• 80. church on sunday, especially a good sermon
• 81. the day off on monday to spend with my little love
• 82. making progress on house decorating over the long weekend {it has been 1.5 years since we moved}

one thousand gifts: 63 through 73

life is hard.  this is a truth we all know.  it’s so easy to get discouraged with circumstances, but simply pausing to take a look around shows that this is not a unique situation to me.  everyone faces a trial of some sort.  there are so many things that i perceive to be “worse” than the things i’ve been through during my time on earth so far.  whether my assessment is right or wrong, it is grounding.  it helps me remember to be thankful for all that is going right, for all i do have {non of which i deserve}.  who am i to say my hand of cards should be better?  the truth is, i live in a country where i have the freedom to worship the Being that created us, where there is no shortage of food, where there is adequate medical care to help me overcome some of life’s unpleasantries.

something’s been happening with the blog lately.  i write about baby stuff and write for therapy, but i haven’t really been writing about the good stuff.  i don’t like this.  i’m not sure when it changed, so i’m going to try to fix it.  it’s been 1 year and 9 months since my last one thousand gifts post.  that’s embarrassing.  a lot has happened in the last year {and 9 months}, a lot of it has been good.  so here we go {always in no particular order}:

• 63. freedom to worship the Lord
• 64. IVF and FETs
• 65. baby brian 
• 66. watching my hubby be a father
• 67. parenting with my hubby 
• 68. the way my husband sacrifices so serve me {there have been some ups and downs, but when i step back and look at all that he does for me, especially since having our son, i realize that despite bad choices in the past, he is a good man}
• 69. thyroid medication
• 70. a new, family friendly vehicle
• 71. watching baby brian grow and learn
• 72. communicating with brian through sign language
• 73. the unusually warm weather we had over Christmas – lots of walks outside!

i’ve had this blog for almost two years.  if i had written one thing i’m thankful for each day, i would be at 708 things.  that’s eye opening.  new goal: think of at least one thing i’m thankful for everyday.

one thousand gifts: 52 through 62

most days, i have to make a conscious effort to stay positive.  i’ve said it before, giving thanks helps me focus on the good and keep faith.  thankfully i have this gratitude journal.  and so the list continues.

• 52. Easter sunday and what it represents
• 53. a great sermon on hope and the power of our Lord on sunday
• 54. dinner with the in laws on saturday {happy 30th birthday, brother-in-law}
• 55. dinner with my family on sunday
• 56. electrolysis {eventually these mustache hairs will have to disappear}
• 57. getting off work early on friday and spending time with the hubby
• 58. encouragement from a friend yesterday
• 59. an email from a sweet friend today
• 60. building new friendships
• 61. beautiful weather today
• 62. half price Easter candy today {i do love a good sale}

all of this encouragement i mention has been great.  a constant theme is that God is working even when it feels like He isn’t and when things feel too messy for repair.  the beauty of our Lord is that He often works behind the scenes to weave even the {seemingly} crummiest details together into a perfectly crafted masterpiece.  i leave you with a snapshot {literally} of an awesome devotion i read over the weekend.  God knew the message i needed to read.

one thousand gifts: 43 through 51

just continuing my gratitude journal:

• 43. beautiful spring weather over the weekend
• 44. deepening relationships with our new sunday school class
• 45. fun at a baseball game on sunday
• 46. a new acupuncturist {not sure why i didn’t ask my RE who he recommended earlier in this process}
• 47. less anxiety
• 48. accomplishing goals at work
• 49. choosing lighting for our {soon to be} new home
• 50. meeting and snuggling our friends’ new baby
• 51. celebrating new life with a few of my lifegroup ladies

my list is officially 5% complete {looks like it’s going to take me a while to make it to 1,000}.

to my prayer warriors following along, hubby and i have a few decisions to make over the next several weeks.  i welcome prayers for discernment and direction on next steps.

roller coaster & one thousand gifts: 31 through 42

this post will probably be messy, but my thoughts are messy right now.  we just experienced another disappointing cycle, and i have so many emotions.  if nothing else, maybe this post will be a testament to the true roller coaster ride that this {in}fertility journey is.

i’m tired.  i’m tired of being so hopeful and positive.  i’m tired of visiting the doctor as often as i do.  i’m tired of continually bringing my request to God.  i know He knows my heart’s desire, isn’t that enough?

i also have faith and confidence that one day we will be parents.  and while i wait for that day to come, i’m trying to remain faithful to the Lord just like job did.  i’m trying to praise God through the pain.

i am thankful for all of things that are going right in our lives.  i started my gratitude journal here.  in an effort to continue to count my blessings and give thanks in all circumstances, i have a few more to add to the list:

• 31. the mountain getaway and spa day we recently had at the grove park inn
• 32. our new house that we are under contract on
• 33. a new, less stressful job coming soon
• 34. the support of the {select} few coworkers that know about my {in}fertility journey
• 35. my brother & sister-in-law not moving away
• 36. seeing the Lord answer my prayer requests for friends
• 37. seeing the Lord answer my prayer requests about a house and my job
• 38. the warmer weather
• 39. sleeping better at night
• 40. the advice and perspective shared from those who have been on this journey before
• 41. our oven being back in working order {i stopped counting after about two months of its hiatus}
• 42. friends to carry my burdens

thank you to all of my friends and lifegroup ladies that reached out to check on me over the past few days.  after sharing my feelings with {venting to} a dear friend and fellow believer about my exhaustion over praying and hoping, i received the best response ever.  our conversation was via text, and she simply replied “i will take over! Galatians 6:2 :)”  i cannot do this alone, and there are no words to express the gratitude i have for friends like you.

carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ {Galatians 6:2}

one thousand gifts: 1 through 30

first, today is the one year anniversary of my uterus surgery.  one year post surgery, i expected to be pregnant {i’m not}.  life does not always go as i planned, which can be hard to accept as a “type a” control freak.  i’m learning to let go and accept God’s plan and timing.  and i’m learning to be thankful in all circumstances.

my ladies lifegroup recently started a study called one thousand gifts.  the whole premise is finding joy not just in the obvious, but in life’s everyday moments, even the bad ones.  the author of the book, ann voskamp, kept a journal listing one thousand things she was thankful for, and i’ve been challenged to do the same.  my list will likely start out with the big obvious blessings, but i’m sure will gravitate towards the “ordinary” after awhile {how else am i supposed to get to one thousand}.

so here it goes {not necessarily in order}:

1. being raised in a Christian home
2. my husband & his patience
3. my mom and dad & the positive role models they were for me
4. my brother and {step} sisters & their spouses
5. my grandmother & her faith
6. the rest of my family
7. my husband’s family
8. our church, church family & sunday school class
9. my ladies lifegroup
10. friends
11. health insurance
12. medical care
13. my reproductive endocrinologist & his sweet nurses
14. acupuncture
15. my education
16. my job
17. financial stability
18. food to eat
19. the roof over our heads
20. the comfortable place to lay my head at night
21. transportation {still rocking the 2005 jetta}
22. living in america
23. forgiveness from my sins
24. the miscarriage & how my faith has grown & what i’ve learned about forgiveness
25. clean water
26. major appliances {dishwasher, washing machine, dryer, microwave, oven – even if ours isn’t working right now}
27. sunny days
28. my mobility
29. our ability to travel & see the world {st. lucia, san francisco, napa valley, oahu, maui, italy}
30. local Christian radio stations

in the video study ann says “thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives.  thanksgiving is the manifestation of our ‘yes!’ to His grace.”  the study also reminded me that “the discipline of thanks only comes with practice.”  how true this is.  it’s so easy to get down about my situation, despite all of the blessings and gifts God has so generously offered me.  everyday i must make the choice to be positive, to focus on all of the things that are going right in my life.  {in}fertility is undoubtedly a scary place to be, but i know it is only temporary.  i’d rather be a happy person on this part of my journey, so i’m choosing thankfulness.